I pride myself on my grasp of the English language. I can write to deadlines, I understand shades of meaning. I am a poet, an editor, a writer. I used to teach English as a foreign language. In coaching, I work with words and meanings. I listen with care. I can read between the lines. I work with my clients to write the recipe of their life.
Yet I am TOTALLY dyslexic when it comes to tech. I never understood before but it turns out I am computer-blind. Technological instructions make no sense whatsoever. For me, they are gobbledegook. I cannot even set up an email account properly. I have tried many times and it never works.
I go to great lengths to hide my incompetence. Forwarding messages to other emails that do work rather than fixing the broken one or asking for help.
Last Friday, my main work email crashed. After working fine for more than a year. It simply stopped sending or receiving. It was not a billing issue. It was not a change of password issue. I had no idea what to do. I started getting text messages from people whose messages to me had bounced back. I felt bad. Dreadful.
“-I am such a failure. So stupid. Even a 10 year old can set up an email address – why can’t I?”
Yesterday, I spent all day talking to well-meaning helpline people, speaking to VA’s, website hosts, clever ‘techie’ people. But nothing was resolved. Because nothing made sense to me. I could not understand what they were saying.
“-It must be my fault. No-one else has these kinds of problems. I will lose work. Lose credibility. Lose clients. Lose friends.”
Finally, no further forward, I closed my laptop. Turned off my phone. I went for a walk. Listened to Wild Horses – the Indigo Girls’ version. Watched the sun set. Came home. Lit the fire. Roasted some celeriac. Stroked the cat.
My cat reminded me to have courage as she curled up in front of the fire: She also said that it is okay to ask for more help when you are stuck. Then she called her best friend who knows how to build computers. She asked him to help me with my email problems in the morning – and to bring a box of catfood with him.
Then she fell asleep with her paws tucked underneath her head.
It really is okay to ask for more help if you are still stuck.
Call me if you are stuck – even if you feel you should not be stuck. (Unless you need help with your computer – then call my cat).
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